the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Mom said you looked used
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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