I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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