how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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