man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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