Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
do nipples grow back?
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