Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
