That's intense
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
