how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize