my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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