so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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