i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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