saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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