If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
