proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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