I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
40s are totally the cure
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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