So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize