So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
