Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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