The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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