Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
