Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The Olympian is in my bed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
