So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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