More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's the barista slut.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
FUCK WHALES
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
