I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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