When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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