its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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