and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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