you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i drank out of a bidet.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
