and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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