Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
