Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
