If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
