I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
