Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
