Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
