just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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