btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
