I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize