god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
