So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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