he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
