Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
