what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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