it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
