Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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