My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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