What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
