You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
