I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
