so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
