i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
