whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
