The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
