I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
