I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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