Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
