I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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