If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
