I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
