I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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