Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Boobs are out for the taking
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
