the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
