Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't notice because vodka
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
