508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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