after a month anything with tits is on the radar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
