i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
