She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
