did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
