he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize