if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
