Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize