I can text with my tongue
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
