the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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