she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
