Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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