wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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