I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I deserve this hangover.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
