Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
