i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
