hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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