There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
