Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm passing your future prison.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
