the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
