I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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