And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
