I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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