Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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