That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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