and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
