just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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