He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
