Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize