I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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