ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
