Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize