also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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